Wednesday, December 22, 2004

All of Europe in a less than a year?

Le 21 décembre 2004.
Why would anyone want to rush through something as great as Europe? That’s the question that’s been running through my head today- as emotional and stressed a day as it’s been. It’s also a question I’ve had to ask myself. After speaking with Kim, her astute and valuable advice as always calming, I realized that I’ve been wanting to do exactly that. Certain things in my life I could have lived without this year, for instance my computer or my camera, but I find that they were both important investments that are as equally useful this year. If I didn’t have these things I know that I might have been able to travel more, but we all live with our decisions. It’s just that this holiday season, my decision has been to try and save money, so in the long term I can visit Prague, which is where I really want to go. The main idea being that I will be able to return to Europe from time to time throughout my life to visit new places, including some day, Sevilla, Madrid, and Lisbon. So decidedly less panicky, more emotionally exhausted, yet enough contented, my day has ended for the best. Someday I’ll see all of Europe, this year I’ll just see what I can.


Le 22 décembre 2004.
So for an explanation, I decided against going to Madrid and Lisbon, about at the last minute. Living on such a mizerly salary as I currently do, it's difficult enough to make all the ends meet at the end of the month as is. Also thanks to some wonderful clear-headedness of Kim, in St. Julien, I realised that there are other places in Europe more important to me than Madrid and Lisbon, and also that I have the rest of my life to keep coming back. I realise that the chances of making it to those locations become slimmer by the fact that I'll probably not be living in Europe, but at least knowing I want to see them eventually is enough to keep me determined to come back someday. I might not even make it to Glasgow for New Year's but I'm living with that one also... again, some day. Right now, I'm just going to stay geared up for Prague in the spring and maybe Toulouse or Cologne before that. Hopefully though, St. Julien and Geneva for sure before April.

I'm also remembering that for me, Christmas is just another day in the long run. I always enjoy it but truly it's only more special by being together with my family, so in the end it doesn't feel any different from any other day. But I have to say it will still be nice to be with Kim and Thanh Ly's family this upcoming 25th.

My dad and I talked again today. It's so nice to just chat with my parents when I get the chance. He told me that we might try and go to Dallas/Ft. Worth to visit my brother after we all leave France in May. I hope we do get to, because I would love to see Dallas again. He also told me that he and mom both think that this year working in France is very good for me. It's always nice to hear things like that and especially to know that they wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it. I think it's been a really good decision too, though difficult to live with at various moments.

In ending, can I just add how much I love French health care. Even if the system is becoming a victim of itself, it's great for the moment, especiall for me! I had to go in and see a doctor the other afternoon, and after I paid and left, I realised that for the same thing in the US I would have paid at least $100 or more, and instead, I paid 35 euros and went on my merry way. I've also received my provisionary sécurite sociale number, thanks to M. Zakey, so now I can send in the bill and try to be reimburse on top of it all!

Tonight will be nice, as I'm meeting another aunt and uncle of Kim's and Thanh Ly's for coffee. It's always nice to have a pleasant setting in which to practice my french! And I might go, if I have time, to see Coupe de Foutre à Bollywood- I forget what the english title would be- but it's done by the director of Bend It Like Beckham and is an Indian/British version of Pride and Prejudice!

So hope all is well with everyone, and you're getting ready for a nice holiday or a nice break depending on your life views! Either way, by the way, it's snowing in Metz! Our second snow in my book, as it's the first one that's happened during the day and I got to see it! A White Christmas after all!

Monday, December 20, 2004


Eating escargot at the marche in St. Louis. So a snail took his new car into the detailers to ask them to put a big "S" on the side of it. "Well, sure, but why?" asked the detailer. "When people see me driving down the road, I want them to say 'Hey, look at that S-car-go!'" Hehe... thanks Melissa! Posted by Hello

Ice skating at Republique. Posted by Hello

Inside Galeries Lafayette, Place de l'Opera, Paris. Posted by Hello

Who's suppose to ride in the stroller? -not the best shot but the dads were moving away. Posted by Hello

In Shakespeare and Company with Kristen and Thanh Ly. Posted by Hello

At Les Invalides with a WWI re-enactment. Posted by Hello

At La Défense. Posted by Hello

At the Eiffel Tower with Kristen and Thanh Ly. Posted by Hello

Super Team Cornell in Paris! Posted by Hello

At the Jardins du Luxembourg with Kristen. Posted by Hello

The spice booth too. Posted by Hello

At the soap de Provence booth. Posted by Hello

Yummy foie gras and liquers at the Christmas Market. Posted by Hello

Bottoms up! Victoria and I enjoy our huitres at the Marché de Noël! Posted by Hello

All the little things lately...

With a chorus of “Grandma…”

Le 16 décembre 2004.
Today and tomorrow are going to turn me into a loon who goes running through the corridors of Centre St. Jacques destroying the speakers throughout. They’ve been playing Ray Brooks’ Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer for the season. At first it was amusing to me to make the kids listen to the song as part of our Christmas and American culture lesson. Now all I can think is… now the goose is on the table/ and the pudding made of fig/ and the blue and silver candles/ that would just have matched the hair/ in Grandma’s wig…. There’s also my favorite, “…incriminating Claus marks…”; the kids aren’t advanced enough to get that little word play, or really much of the song, but the melody and genre of music amuse them nonetheless. But I will be listening to the song at least three to nine more times tomorrow morning. Reindeer had better not be near me tomorrow.

So Monsieur Zakey didn’t call me yesterday afternoon, and that made me lose a bit of faith in the French bureaucractic system—ok, so I never have had faith in the system, but I had momentary faith in M. Zakey’s capabilities as a higher-up in the Sécurité Sociale office. But I received an unexpected call this morning before my first class from M. Zakey telling me that he’d found my folder and that he was going to personally take care of it, fix any problems, and then have an attestation printed up for me! So next week, I will officially have an official piece of paper stating that I do officially have health insurance! Well, on a provisionary basis, til January when I must return to give them my December payslip and argue that my November payslip is both October and November, and that I do work 120 hours in a three-month period and thus am eligible for state health insurance aid. Are you confused yet? I totally understand.



This and that… again.

Le 19 décembre 2004.
Les Jardins du Luxembourg. I’d forgotten to mention that my weekend in Paris included time spent at the Luxembourg Gardens, which are about my favorite place in all of Paris. They are so lovely and everything beautiful government sponsored gardens in the middle of a city should be- orderly and manicured. Somehow though they are truly fixed up just right so that even the manicured bit is not scorned at but rather admired and enjoyed. That they are in the middle of a city makes it that much easier to appreciate the orderliness than if they were in a small town or the country. Kristen and I spent about an hour or so just sitting in the metal chairs around the fountain chatting and people-watching. I truly do admire how the French are so willing to bundle up and spend a cold winter day out-of-doors in the park.

The battles I’ve been having with French bureaucracy seem to be coming to an end, for the most part. All that I need to have received while in France, I seem to have or almost so- my titre de séjour, the CAF, and my social security will be ready next week. Yet, only if I were truly naïve would I choose to believe that I no longer have battles to go into with French bureaucracy. The bit is just that I don’t know what the next battles will look like or when they are likely to happen.

Ice-skating is an interesting business when you haven’t gone in four years. I’d completely forgotten that I hadn’t been for that long, thus stepping onto the bad ice at the marché at République I was surprised not only at the state of the ice but also at my inability to instantaneously remember how to skate. It took more than enough time to remember how to get the knack to even make it once around the small rink without stopping. But I’m also going to blame the nastiness of the ice for part of it- it’s much easier to learn or remember how to skate on smooth, clean ice. But it was loads of fun anyway, and I enjoyed being out in the night to skate.

A philosophy of ignorance is an interesting thing- both Greg and I have commented on how we’re choosing to ignore that Christmas is happening soon. It’s as though in choosing to ignore the actual festivities, we can ignore that we would normally be with family and friends on this day and that this year we are not. My plans intend for me to be on some sort of beach near Lisbon and Greg’s to be in Metz preparing to travel after the holiday in Germany. Can it be true that unless we acknowledge the existence of a happening it isn’t actually occurring? If I ignore that it’s Christmas, does it actually exist for me on the 25th? Whether or not it does or does not, beach, here I come- rather an act of revenge for having to miss Thanksgiving on the beach in Mexico.

Finally, classes are over for the holidays and the kids are able to run wild at home and drive their parents insane instead of me. Grandma is no longer getting run over by the reindeer or having her figure se casse. But the nice bit was that the kids weren’t nearly as wild as I thought they would be on Friday- especially since it turned out that they were ending the day at noon and not having afternoon classes. Friday was also nice in that I was invited to lunch at the house of two of my students, Alex and Kelly. Their dad is American, and so they both speak much better English than their peers in class. Even their little sister has a nice command of the language, given that their native language is French. They fixed a traditional French meal of raclette and bouche de Noël for my visit- with several varieties of meats and asparagus and tomatoes to accompany the cheese, meat, and potatoes of raclette. It was quite a lovely afternoon just chatting away with Alex and Sabrina and the kids. It reminded me all so much of my aunt and uncle’s whom I visited a few times during university that I came home happy but a bit homesick. Yet it was such a lovely way to spend the first afternoon of the holidays.

Everyone is off or soon will be, including myself. Victoria, Jennifer, Bobby, Alexandra, and Weinke are all home, with Louise to be soon also. Louise Louisiana is soon off to Paris, Melissa off to Germany, Greg will be heading to Germany next week right before I get back, and I’ll be off to the Iberian Peninsula soon. It’s really a bit odd, as we are all dispersing for the holidays, to various parts separately. While I’m admittedly a bit nervous traveling on my own again, I’m excited to see the south and to enjoy some warmer weather hopefully. The only sad bit is that I was unable to arrange to visit my host family in Toulouse. Maybe I can work something out in February or March, though I doubt it. I think that visit will just have to wait for May when my parents and brother arrive to travel. Even though it’s been a bit unnerving to think about traveling alone, it has been interesting and amusing to make the arrangements to travel. I’ve actually enjoyed doing it I think- all the plotting and maneuvering, just not the money-spending bit. But it will all be worth it, I know!

So on that note, Merry Christmas to all, and quite possibly Happy New Year’s, as I might not have time to blog before the new year arrives. If you are ambitious enough and feel the need my Christmas list is as follows: a couple of jars of Skippy or Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, a couple of boxes of Easy Mac, an English copy of Mansfield Park, a big backpack to travel with (as am borrowing Bobby’s for this trip), wool socks, German lessons, Seasons I and II of Alias on DVD, a pair of black Camper shoes, that pair of cute brown suede shoes from Coussins, a gift card to Zara- to be used probably for sweaters, that hat from Galeries Lafayette, lots of lovely soft pretty yarn, all sizes of crochet hooks- except for G, H, and F which I already have, and an English copy of Let’s Go Europe 2005 if it’s already available. I know there are a few other things I’ve been wanting, but I can’t remember them at the moment, and I’m not sure if they were American or French things, either. I hope everyone gets what they wanted for Christmas, and for those looking for presents from France- your French Christmas is probably going to happen more likely in late May! Cheers!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Little bits from the past week.

Le 15 décembre 2004.

So much! The thing I love about journals is that you can come and go from them as needed. But so much as happened in the last week, and I’m going to either bore you or forget loads of details, or rather, just both!

Starting with today and yesterday and then going backwards, my last two days have been really productive. I learned loads about handling money in the last two days and credit cards. Two loads of laundry went through the washer at Carrefour yesterday and ended up drying in my tiny studio. Melissa and I ‘attacked’ the CAF this morning to try and complete our dossiers and find out how much money we’ll be receiving. That turned out to be quite jolly, as I finished up the paperwork for my folder, and Melissa found out that about two-thirds of her rent was being paid for, meaning that I should receive about the same amount! Hooray for rent not taking over half of my monthly salary starting next month! In addition, I received my CAF payments for October and November today, so I am no longer completely as broke as I thought I was. I still can not afford a gourmet meal, but I might splurge and go get a foie gras sandwich at the marché de Noël in St. Louis this weekend. On the discouraging side, the Sécurité Sociale seems to have lost my dossier; but Melissa and I seem to have lucked out though as a higher-up was filling in for a colleague to go to lunch and he promised to find my folder and let me know what was going on and fix it- though I didn’t get the promised phone call this afternoon. But he gave me his name and told me to call if I had any more problems- he said we were nice so he didn’t mind helping us out. Yay for connections!

This weekend I had a fabulous time in Paris visiting Kim and Thanh Ly with Kristen! I went in on Thursday night to see Amelia, Liz, and Anna before they left this week; together we got to overwhelm their Lake Forest friends as Team Cornell. On Friday night, we became Super Team Cornell when Kristen joined us. We had all sorts of lovely, expensive Parisian foods and wine. Thanh Ly, Kristen, and I went walking and metro-ing around Paris on Saturday playing tourist a bit, as Kim had a class in the morning and work at the American Library in Paris in the afternoon. So we went to the Eiffel Tower, Sainte-Chapelle, chez Angelina, the American bookstore on rue de l’Opera, then to meet Kim at Galeries Lafayette at Place de l’Opera and Printemps, next to Starbucks, and finally out for dinner in the Marais. It was just such a fun and relaxing weekend of spending time with friends and seeing Paris in the winter… and I have the wind burnt cheeks to prove it!

Before I left for Paris, I went out for huitres with Victoria! They were so super yummy! I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed enjoying them til I got to munch on them again. It’s so nice to have someone here in Metz with me who appreciates the finer things in life! :) The market at night is just so beautiful and it was great fun to stand out of doors enjoying the huitres and chatting with the patron of the booth, who was so amused by two young Americans eating his huitres in Metz. Afterwards, we all had dinner together for Christmas as people were already starting to leave for the holidays. We then had a Christmas swap of little gifts. It was a fun if almost impromptu Christmas party.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


A different side of Cathédrale St. Etienne. Posted by Hello

An unexpected meeting at the Republique bus stops! We're quite the consumers- I'm off to IKEA, and Jennifer and Melissa are off to Cora. Posted by Hello

Being shown Paris by a true Parisienne … well almost…

Le 7 décembre 2004.
Even though I already wrote about three pages today, I’ve just been wanting to write all night. Arrangements have been worked out for my weekend in Paris- and my giddiness abates not. After making arrangements to stay with Kim, I called Amelia to tell her that I would be in on Thursday night, luckily after her work hours are over, though it would be cool to see her internship! Imagine, Amelia the smart young professional speaking and handling details in French. It’s just great to be met in a train station. Unlike in an airport, you can still wait for someone on the quay and greet them as they get off the car. Whether I’m meeting someone or being met, it’s just such a great experience. I never got to meet anyone in Toulouse. It was too far for Kristen to come and the program was so intensive that there wasn’t much time to meet someone, so no one came to Toulouse. I had loads of fun during my time there, but there would be days when I would walk along the streets and think, I need to remember to take so-and-so here, we should go there, this view is just so lovely they can’t miss this, and I am getting so good at directions. The closest I’ve come to playing tour guide in Toulouse is sending Amelia a double length SMS on the Ville Rose. I relish that Amelia is getting to show me Paris; I know that she has already shown her family, but its so much fun when you get to be the tour guide for someone and impart all the little details that you know, showing of your intimate acquaintance with a place you love dearly. Hence I’m excited to be shown Paris by someone who is as good as a Parisenne as anyone else.



And the walls shook and the ground tumbled…

Le 7 décembre 2004.
Rather startlingly, I almost forgot to mention the earthquake. As was the only other earthquake I’ve ever been through, it was nothing extreme. Apparently around a five on the Richter scale, the epicenter was in Freiberg Germany, where coincidentally Melissa was visiting her boyfriend Marcus for the weekend. Around 3am, I heard a loud thud as though something rather large (more so than a raccoon) was hitting our building and the ground shifted, as did my creaky bed. It was so reminiscent of the one I felt this summer, with it’s epicenter in Chicago, I automatically thought, oh that’s an earthquake. Except this time I didn’t think a raccoon had run into the side of the building, rather that the wall had made a loud thump. But I find it odd that a girl from the Midwest, who has never been in an earthquake- thankfully! I’d choose a tornado if the choice had to be made- has now lived through two, though small, earthquakes in less than six months. And I’m not even in California!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Open-face PB & J and Teachers’ Strike.

Le 7 décembre 2004.
For reasons of solidarity, today there is a teachers’ strike, though I have yet to read the pamphlet stating the reasons to strike and for what cause precisely. Louise mentioned that she’d rather that they strike on a day when she was working, but I have to say my cautious side is happy enough that I don’t regularly work on Tuesdays. I find it makes my life easier if I don’t have to worry about finding all my kids from the classes to which they’ve been dispatched. Not that I think it’d be something I’d have to worry about, as only one of the professors I work with would probably strike. In explanation, teachers striking in France do not seem to include picket lines and the works, just merely that the teachers decide as a sign of solidarity to just not come to work that day. And it all appears to be rather organized; there are lists of the teachers who will not be in and where the kids from those classes will be placed. It’s more that you strike in solidarity with some cause and show your support through not working also- striking does not always seems to be to create mass chaos, though sometimes it is and does anyway.

Yesterday, due to unsliced bread and no good cutting knifes, I experimented with the finer arts of creating opened faced peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. As many people know, I have never been a fan of peanut butter. It serves a purpose and I enjoy the occasional taste of it, but am not the die-hard fans many of my friends purport to be. But wisely, I invested in a small jar and brought it with me from home. All of this leading me to enjoy two opened faced sandwiches for lunch the other day. It struck me also as being inadvertently the possible French twist to PB & J.

In addition to French-ness, I’ve come to noticed that in the evenings as I prepare my mouth rinse, I’ve taken to twisting the bottle as I finish pouring the rinse into the cap so as to avoid the usual little drip of liquid which always rests on the edge of the opening. Again, it seems to have come from pouring wine from the bottle, in a French manner, and trying not to spill it.

Between reading Adam Gopnik’s book and my own proper experiences, French bureaucracy seems to me to be something that could fill an encyclopedia. In fact, if you counted all the books available on experiences with French bureaucracy, you would probably have three times as many volumes as it takes for one Grand Larousse. Melissa received a large envelope from the CAF the other day, and we hopefully opened it thinking she’d received her allocation only to find that she was being sent a new, blank copy of the form she’d already filled out. It turns out that in French bureaucracy, you can’t just merely tell the CAF that you’ve moved to a new room in the same establishment, but that you have to actually start the process over again. We ended up finding this all out after we had put together all of our material and walking down to the monstrous CAF building at Pontiffroy – here I should comment that the CAF building gives me chills as it makes me think of the Central Central Building in Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time- and waiting in line to speak with someone. While waiting, we also had to endure a sweet older lady asking us a question only to hear our accents and say “oh, you’re not French, you don’t speak French” even though I had already spoken about two sentences of explanation to her. In addition to all the other little details of the change in our housing, none of the assistants have yet to receive our October pay stubs, though Louise Plaid and I received our November pay stubs. As our attestation of payment is not acceptable to the CAF, I asked if I could give them my November slip instead of my unavailable October slip. After about ten minutes of argument and miscommunication, the man decided it would be alright to take the November pay slip- as long as I wrote out in my own blood a honor statement swearing that the bit on the November slip stating how much I received in October was truthful and the amount on my attestation was correct for my monthly salary and that my October slip was completely unavailable until January. Alright, I didn’t really have to write it in my blood, though it felt like it, and actually the guy wrote out the bulk of it for me because I only had the understanding of what he wanted me to write, and I wasn’t really sure of the proper wording. You’ll understand my dilemma on proper wording if you’ve ever read a polite French letter- the last two sentences/lines of a letter are simply the closing salutation. I’ll try to find a translation of one someday. It was after we had finally work everything out, asked all the questions we needed- including many “je ne comprende pas” to get the man to clarify what he had said, and had some sheets printed out for us, that we finally left. In reality, it all took about thirty minutes. We went back to Carrefour, so I could leave the papers I needed to have to them fill out for me, where we had Nicolas tell us that the whole process was bête, or stupid, and I tactfully kept myself from agreeing with him verbally, as all I really wanted was to agree and denounce French bureaucracy to him. For it was also his associate who had told me when I went to send in my attestation that I didn’t need to inform the CAF that I was now in a studio- studios get more money back from CAF than rooms do. Thank heavens though for Martine who is one of the most efficient French persons I have ever met- she’s the one who had to tell us to go to the CAF, but at least she was willing to admit that they didn’t have the solution at Carrefour, instead of just telling us some made-up reason and then letting our forms sit in the office for a month. After all that fun at the CAF, tomorrow I get to go to the Social Security office and try to tackle them with my November pay slip, because they too need my October pay slip. Hopefully my blood honor statement will also appease them. If someone wants to come along with me, that would be useful, because I’ve found that the more foreigners they have to do with at once, the more likely they are to become exasperated and desperate for us to leave, thus the more likely to give me what I want. The overwhelming technique has become my favorite one to use with French bureaucracy- especially when you have a German, an American, and a Scot all trying to get the same result. Vicious, but effective.

Tonight, we are having our Christmas as a group. It’s more disorganized than Thanksgiving, but this time easier to work out. We don’t have a set time to meet yet, but the idea consists of first hitting the St. Louis marché de Noël so Victoria and I can eat huitres, or oysters, as they are meant to be eaten and for everyone to then eat the wondrous tartefouilette and drink vin chaud. Then we will retire to our salon, probably Jen’s room, for more merriment and an old-fashioned American Yankee Swap, or a Midwestern Chinese Gift Exchange, however you prefer to call it. The main problem for me being, what to buy before the swap tonight, and something that is effectively useful and neutral so as not to overwhelm Greg with the massive female element he deals with each day. Regardless, I’m just hoping for some massive chaos, as I didn’t get to experience the strike today.

French kids are great. Yesterday in class we were working on my favorite smell, my favorite food- and they asked me how to say cuisse de grenouille (froglegs), huitres (oysters -mainly on the half shell), and fruit de mer (seafood). I have to wonder if it was to try and gross me out, but if it was, it backfired on them and they ended up having to convince me that they actually did like things like this. I told them that they were great and more often than not, kids in the States do not like food like this.

On Thursday or Friday, I will be heading to Paris for the weekend, to see Amelia and Liz before they leave, and to meet up with Thanh Ly and her sister Kim and Kristen. As I will be arriving before the weekend, and Kim will be working some, I am excited to spend time wandering around again in a Paris all dressed up in festive Noël decorations. My plan includes returning to the Jardin du Luxembourg, as Kim D and I went when I first arrived in September but was too jetlagged to remember to take photos. As it’s quite possibly my favorite place in Paris, and inspired by reading Paris to the Moon. I doubt to see the petonque players, though I have hope- I desperately miss stumbling across random old men playing in the parks in Toulouse, as hardly anyone plays in the north, or Metz at least. My excitement for the weekend also includes my first opportunity to use my carte professionelle at the Louvre, where rumour has it that I can use the carte to get in for free. As I do not have Patience with me this time to get help me get in free, I was worried that I might have to actually start paying to get into the museum. Once, Kristen and Thanh Ly arrive, we’ll be checking out the American Library and seeing more of the Christmas sights of Paris. Honestly, I’m as giddy as a child for the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade, just to get to see Paris for Christmas!

Exciting final news for the day: Louise gets to move into a studio! Huitres for supper!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Paris to the… Moselle.

Le 2 décembre 2004.
Rereading Adam Gopnik’s Paris to the Moon for the third time, but reading it this time in France, has been quite the relief. The majority of his experiences are ones that I have lived through, either in Toulouse or this year in Metz. Earlier in the book, he commented on what really makes culture shock such a disruption in your life is that it is the focus of the differences between the little things. Gopnik says that it’s the things like how lunch as a concept differs between the two countries or how soup in France is blended instead of in bits and pieces like in the States. You don’t really mind the difference, but the fact that the difference exists does unsettle you momentarily. For a second example, door knobs in France totally through me off for about the first month and a half before I re-trained myself to always look at the knob before reaching for it to avoid awkward and frustrating situation. In addition, he comments on how “[w]e breathe in our first language, and swim in our second” and this is completely true for the majority of the world’s population. The ease with which we speak our mother tongue can make the second language seem like such a travail- each sentence and pronunciation a task of such magnitude to make us want to cower under our covers for the entire day. But I remember finding the courage last year from someplace, getting out of bed, and going out to face the day. Each day then became for me a success story, rather a badge of honor for me to display for the simple fact of overcoming my own fears. It gave to each day such a feeling of sink or swim, but each day I swam, it increased my joy of life to such extent that returning to an all-english environment was like coming down from an incredible high. In the end, all I'm trying to say is that reverse culture shock and loss of such extreme meaning in my life made it so difficult for me to return to a setting that just couldn't offer me the same fulfillment at the end of the day. If and how that has changed me is something I'm still finding out. Yet, I feel it can't be that any of the changes would be undesirable, and that I hope in the end some differences have been made.


Chickens and Cabbages.

Le 1 décembre 2004.
Victoria commented last night during tea that France is really a big country, and in comparison to the rest of the European countries, it really is rather larger than the others. But it made me consider distances and relativity of- such that, to drive from home to school in the States, it would take me about three and a half hours. In three hours, I can get from Metz to Paris. If I drove from Metz to Toulouse, I assume it would take about eight hours; in that same amount of time, I could get from my home to Chicago. In the time it would take me to get from Los Angeles to New York, I supposedly get from Paris to St. Petersburg. The map of Europe on my map makes me realize how much distance does exist within the subcontinent, but still my own, proper country still outmasses the almost 40 countries that make up Europe. That is still something that actually does frappe me.

Speaking of subcontinent, one thing that the French educative system teaches is that there are five continents: Europe, Asia, Africa, the American continent, and Australia. But with my Midwestern United States educative system upbringing, I find it difficult and ridiculous to give Europe status as a proper continent while denying that the American continent is actually two separate continents and the right to Antarctica its own proper status. It’s all rather pretentious in my book. But it’s also just another aspect of another country and culture that I must just learn to accept and not criticize—just that that little detail is so easy to criticize.

French bureaucracy is like a spoiled child. Just as you think you’ve managed to placate the brat, it comes running straight into the back of your legs, tackles you to the ground and demands that you acknowledge its presence fully. The securité sociale sent me a letter, after I was assured that my dossier was complete enough to receive a provisionary number, stating that they needed my pay stub from October, even though we had explained that we wouldn’t receive one until January. So I went back in today, with a photocopy of my attestation of pay (attestations are the most useful things and as such are the most annoying things to receive) hoping that it would placate this demon of a child. All I received for my effort was a papercut, a curt “merci” and was told that the girl behind the desk didn’t really know if the attestation would work or if I would receive my provisionary number, have a good day.

Wandering into Centre St. Jacques on my way to ATAC to get juice for our French breakfast at dinner, I was walking passed boulangerie row when I overheard a forty-something man on the phone, presumably to his wife, as he was saying something along the lines of “oui, j’arrive bientôt, mon poule.” In that moment, I found myself hard pressed not to burst out laughing, and the other endearment I know French people to use, mon chou, came into my head. For Anglophones, it does seem funny that French people refer to their dearly loved ones as my chicken or my cabbage, but it can’t truly seem that much more bizarre to here Anglos use honey or sweetie in the same context. But I still can’t help but to laugh when I hear someone being called my cabbage or my chicken, especially at forty years old.

It’s easy to take for granted sometimes that I’m in France, and that I live in a nice sized city that’s only three hours from Paris. Yet, it only takes a trip to Paris to remind me that I can just up and go to Paris. It’s still quite magical I find to just say, oh I’m going to Paris for the weekend then. Truly, loads of people can say that, but really a whole load more cannot just say that! So, yes, now you know. I am going to Paris next weekend to meet up with Kristen and some new French friends, and hopefully to see Amelia and Liz before they leave, as sadly, they will soon be doing. So once again, I will see Paris lit up for the Christmas season, and I’m really rather excited! “Imagine, Paris at Christmas!”

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Sniffles, Tissues, and Tea.

Le 1 décembre 2004.
Sniffle, sniffle. Tissues and trouble and tea. Well not trouble, but when you’re recovering from a cold you always feel so much more miserable than you ever want to feel. So when you invite people up for tea at ten pm doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, but then when tea takes two hours it’s altogether a different story. It’s delightful to have everyone up, but when all you want is a bit of quiet, five extra people can really overwhelm. And it’s always been difficult for me to deal with people talking over one another; I suppose it just seems like such a sign of disrespect for what someone is saying, but in truth it’s more often than not just anxiety to share and create a line of commonality between people.

Lines of commonality- are they more important when people have less or more in common? I haven’t truly decided yet, but I do know that when you understand someone on a deeper level, words become less necessary- vocalization isn’t needed in the same sense. Are lines of commonality only created by a vocalized conveyance or by emotional understanding? But in all cases, they’re important regardless of if it’s with people you know well or not, I suppose.

The circumstances of a situation play such an interesting role in the development of friendships. My understanding of them is far from complete, so it’s hard to say what type of criteria creates the possibilities for different types of development. But it’s so interesting to contemplate. Last year, in Toulouse, we were all there to learn French and about the French culture and society; so we were all students coming from relatively similar experiences and platforms. This year, as assistants, it seems so much more varied, while many of us are students or recent graduates, we are all coming from these widely varied backgrounds of studies and the elements of different cultural backgrounds is even effecting our relationships. So while I still can’t really express it in any coherent form, it’s interesting to consider the differences involved in development of relationships between this year and last year.

Certainty is one of those issues that I keep running into lately- usually in forms of media, so that makes me question the validity of this issue in my life, but still it manages to raise questions. In a film version of Mansfield Park, the character Fanny Price mentions that she has no capacity for certainty, or along those lines, and in a book of Madeleine L’Engle, Bishop Colubra states to Polly that he is seldom sure of anything, and that life at best is a precarious business. So is it that I question the certainty of things in my life or that I question the certainty of the future- in truth, I am not sure of which direction my questions are going. But I am certain that living in France for this time will be an experience that will make a difference in my life, whether it ends up being good or bad. The things I will learn from living in a different country and culture, and of working in that culture as an adult, and working within the education system with the youth of the country will definitely teaches things I never expected to learn.

I feel rather clever, in that I’m considering these issues tonight, but truly I have a feeling that in the morning this writing is going to look atrocious. But hopefully you’ll be able to understand a bit of it. But on that note, I’m signing off because I confuse myself, let alone you in the process of dissecting my thoughts tonight. Time for one last cup of tea and honey for my throat.



In addition…

Le 1 décembre 2004.
In addition, I’ve always been a bit of a night owl. As the years pass, I’ve found that I am often giving to some of my best contemplation of ideas and moments of inspiration during the wee hours of the night. Yet as I and probably many of my professors can attest, I’ve yet to conquer the skills needed to turn this ability into something tangible enough to be able to write coherently in either English or French. While the point of this little tangent is nothing more than to comment on how much of a night owl I am, especially when I don’t have a set hour to wake up in the morning. In my opinion, and as much as I adore sleeping, it’s really too bad that humans have to sleep at all. But sleep I must, and so good night, finally!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Identification Cards, Photos, and Passes.

Le 30 novembre 2004.
The first winter cold of the season is making its rounds through the foyer, and in particular, the assistants. Both Wienke and Jennifer have already been sick, and possibly Louise Plaid too- and now I woke up this morning with my little sniffles and sore throat going into overdrive. It’s quite annoying to be feeling under the weather in the first place, and then to just keep feeling weaker and tired makes it all that worse. The worst bit is how you just seem to lose your head in addition to feeling awful. Walking to pick up my new student card for the regional bus system of Moselle, I completely forgot I was in France and the office would be closed for the requisite two hours at lunch. But il faut profiter, and so I did. I used the time to stroll –as my walking speed is not much more than a stroll today- through the marché de Noël at Place St. Louis; there I picked out ideas for Christmas presents to send home and tried a huge bowl of tartifoulette, or something like that, a Franco-Swiss dish from the Alps, made of potatoes, onions, bits of ham, and about five pounds of cheese (usually gruyere!) per serving. The guy serving up the dish was a funny guy, but super nice. He listened to my accent as I asked for some of the … stuff, and laughingly wouldn’t start scooping up some hot food for me until I properly pronounced the name of the dish. (What a throw back to yesterday and making my kids pronounce fifty properly- as in fifty, not something almost like fifteen. Oh, pronunciation!) It’s such a heavy dish I couldn’t even finish half of it, so I suppose I should have just gotten a monster pretzel, they’re about the size of my face and very thick. I also wanted to ride on the gorgeous antique carousal, but decided to wait until I had a crowd of twenty-somethings to ride with me, so as not to look quite so bizarre.

In a land of such bureaucracy as France, I’ve often commented that they should be more organized than they truly are; yet this disorganization is what makes it so easy to get what you want in France. For instance, a student pass for the regional bus system will get me either fifty or seventy-five percent of the price of my bus back from Ste. Marie on the days I can’t get a ride back into town. The problem being that I can only be classed as a student of life at the moment, hence my ‘student card’ doesn’t have the school years printed on it. Luckily, there existed another card with the school year dates printed on it, and that in combination with my student card were enough to qualify me for the student pass. So hooray for yet another identification card in my wallet! I think I’m up to four cards for some reason of discount or another. But I have found a wallet that I am going to buy, so then I’ll have an actual wallet!

In addition, as I was walking back to Republique to pick up my student bus pass from the hopefully opened TIM office at 2pm, I noticed that the scene of Republique in front of me, at the end of Rue des Clercs, looked rather familiar. In the end I decided it looked like Paris’ wide avenues lined with numerous sycamores, and with all the dappled sunlight coming through the clouds today, it was a really beautiful scene- like a watercolor painting that you’d buy on the street in Paris.

Marie-Pierre is one of the dear-est woman who has ever lived. (Forgive my grammatical errors there! And I’m teaching English, I know!) Besides just being such a sweet lady, she has lent me an entire kitchen—mugs, bowls, soup plates, plates, silverware, glasses, beer mugs, corkscrew, bottle opener, and pots and pans. I couldn’t believe it! I can now cook in my kitchen! It’s so beautiful now too, not just half empty shelves!

Terri has just reminded me that I never mentioned the glorious things that happened on Thanksgiving. After the sad and untimely demise of our pumpkin pie on the Wednesday before, Victoria’s sister arrived from the East Coast on Thursday and they made delicious mashed potatoes and … the best part!... pumpkin pie filling, so we got to have pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, just without the crust! But it was so delicious!

On a final note, I think I’ll have to invite the residence handyman to tea one day; for even though it’s his job at the foyer to fix things, I feel between my room and my studio, he has seen me more often than most of the other residents. But yay for a new faucet head tomorrow!


Monday, November 29, 2004


Tarte au potiron, aussi à la française! Posted by Hello

Thanksgiving, à la française! Posted by Hello

Preciosa wins the wishbone wish! And what does she wish for? Why, Kristen's stuffing recipe, of course!  Posted by Hello

Bobby says, "J'attends le silence." Posted by Hello

Pass the turkey, please. Oops! I mean, the chicken... Posted by Hello

Ça va mieux…

Le 28 novembre 2004.
After a glorious weekend, I’m truly tempted to write in French tonight- but will not for two reasons, it wouldn’t be that good and it would be hard for non-francophiles to read. My last entry was from the afternoon of Thanksgiving, before things really got moving. But my entire day was superb- had fun making handprint turkeys with my kids (even though they’re 10-15 years old), bought my tickets to visit Kristen, took a nap, had a good afternoon in the computer lab, talked with Kristen, had a marvelous conversation with Kim, and geared up for Thanksgiving with 15 other assistants or friends. As much as we were leary of a possible disaster, even with a few false starts towards that, things came off wonderfully! Really, with 16 people, it’s remarkable that people were only about 45 minutes late and there was the usual amount of confusion, but chickens were picked up, potatoes arrived, bread was bought, and decorations were provided by the unsuspecting hands of little potential English-speakers. The feast was quite marvelous, conversation was good and varied, and entertainment was provided by a re-enactment by Bobby of his self-impersonation of in-class discipline, “J’attends le silence.” (Please see Amelia’s blog and reference photo on this blog.) Cat, Victoria’s sister, arrived on Thursday to spend the day cooking for dinner and to spend four days with Victoria before returning to classes on the east coast. Thanksgiving abroad has proven itself yet again as a fascinating opportunity to enjoy the company of some unique people.

The train system in France is quite an amazing thing. Living in Europe for me means the happy opportunity to travel by train. However, it becomes quite annoying when one is trying to visit a friend for the weekend, who lives about an hour and forty minutes away, and actual time spent on a train is about one hour and forty minutes, but it still takes a duration of three and a half hours to get there and five and a half hours to get back. It’s simply great to be able to get on and off the train as needed, it’s simply those hours of time between the three trains it takes to get to and from a little town. The main issue arises from the fact that Metz and St. Dizier aren’t on major lines anyway, let along on major lines corresponding to each other. Other than the trip to and from, the past weekend was quite brilliant. Visiting Kristen was a wonderful way to spend the extended part of the Thanksgiving holiday, and it was good to see Shannon again. Our dinner reminded me of how much I miss French family dinners on Friday nights in Toulouse. Such good food, wonderful people to meet, and great and varied conversation arose from the mix of people. Kristen’s stuffing recipe from her great-aunt went over extremely well, with the majority of people asking for the recipe and one French lady promising to make it for Christmas with her family. Shannon couldn’t get enough, and Antoine took what remained of the stuffing to get him through the week. ‘Le Stuff’ succeeded greatly at a French Thanksgiving. In addition, Preciosa made the pumpkin pies, but in a style French, meaning that they tasted more in a sense like pumpkin flan than the traditional American pumpkin pie- yet it was really quite tasty. Kristen truly has the luck to have met the people she has and befriended during her time already in St. Dizier.

It’s also reassuring to have Thanh Ly and her sister, Kim, who are both a few years older than Kristen and I, and are still just starting to ‘settle’ a bit into their lives. They both have traveled and studied abroad in Canada and the US. They do not fear receiving the yellow and green hat of St. Catherine, even though they should have already. For French legend says that if a woman is not married by a certain age, than she is to receive a paper hat make with yellow for the sadness of being unmarried, but also of green to give hope that she won’t be long an ‘old maid’. Kristen, Shannon, and I are quite relieved that they have no worries about receiving the hat, hence we have hope still. Plus Thanh Ly and Kim are just so sweet. On their return to Reims, they dropped me off at the train station in Vitry Le François, so I didn’t have to leave St. Dizier so early and then wait two hours and twenty minutes there. The best part being that I got to chat with them a bit more and also they like country music, especially bluegrass!

Happiness comes from having the opportunity to realize appreciation for the things you have or the comforts of home, because you go away for a bit of time.

Accomplishments of the weekend: didn’t shower or wash my hair today and have yet to feel gross; learned how to cut veggies en style à la française, and have begun to speak a fabulous version of franglais because of amount of French spoken this weekend, ie: Even if it’s not a vrai apartment, I love my petit studio.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Crisis Level Soars as Pumpkin Pie Plunges to Untimely Death and Porcupine Quills.

Le 24 novembre 2004.
I am grumpy, grumbly, nostalgic, and frustrated all in one. The best description at the moment I can find is that I’m scratchy; scratchy as in porcupine quills. The "stage" today was as ineffectual as I had predicted, though it was lovely to see everyone else and to hear how things are at the various lycées and colléges in the area. The worksheets brought by those who remembered will probably be helpful, or easily enough adapt to my students’ level. But mostly I’ve found that the ladies in charge make the majority of us feel as if we’re our students’ ages, and truly aren’t helpful with actual solutions to various issues that have arisen. Honestly, telling someone to talk to their contact teacher (which I’m sure someone who’s twenty to twenty-four has already done,) let alone the sécretaire or the dirécteur isn’t really a solution or being of any assistance whatsoever. In the words of Sarah and Laura, WTF. One more grumble before I cease on this note, and what’s the point of having us go late in the morning, take only an hour lunch, and skip a break, to let us out early, if we’re just going to go late to 4:15 anyway? Somehow in my little book, that plan just did not come up to scratch... given that we were to have an hour and half for lunch and to get out at 4pm.

On to other more important things; I’ve always rather enjoyed Thanksgiving abroad, though I’ve actually only experienced one abroad. But last year was a marvelous Thanksgiving of eating in a vegetarian restaurant and enjoying great conversation. This year is becoming such a hassle. Dinner for about 15 people in the form of a potluck with only a toaster oven at our disposal; besides being super tired after a pointless day today, it’s enough to make one scream. But I think regardless of how crazy this holiday abroad will be I’d rather remain optimistic for the outcome of the day. It will be enjoyable in some form, even if the craziest story of the year come next Thanksgiving. The sad note to Thanksgiving being that the pumpkin pie that Melissa worked so hard to create committed suicide this evening by plunging itself headlong out of Jennifer’s hands from the toaster oven shelf and splattering its entrails partout over Jennifer, Louise, and all of Jennifer’s kitchen. Tears were shed and sadness prevailed throughout the evening after the untimely demise.

The most difficult part of being abroad is when friends experience tragedy, true sadness and you can not physically be there to grieve. Grief is such a strong emotion, such that it could be felt across an ocean, but that physical presence is definitely missing. But a spirit, even if physically is weak, as an essence can be quite strong; thus regardless of physical time or distance can be felt by many long after its depart from the region. Love can reach beyond all the barriers humans perceive separate us from one another and comfort in ways often unimaginable.

Nostalgie is such a crazy little annoyance of life. It flares up at the most unexpected moments, hence becoming the most annoying time for it to arrive. Just as you settle in a bit, you find yourself wanting to just leave again or at least escape for awhile. How is it also that you have nostalgie for places that aren’t even a home, a place you’re not even sure could be a home… is it just the familiarity of the place, the fact that you’ve learned it so well already that at least you don’t struggle just to find the simplest things? Toulouse, my rose city of the south, with its pink bricks and golden sunshine, shadowy glimpses of the Pyrénées at the most unexpected moments of the day, crowded rue principal, and bizarre bazaar of a marché de Noël, its Monoprix next to Capitole, and cute little boulangerie next to the canal- how I miss it some days. Even on beautiful days in Metz when the crisp winter light comes through the blue sky and lights the Cathédral in the pristine brilliance. People-dodging on Rue Serpenoise is not the same experience as people- and pamphleteer-dodging on Rue de Change/Taur/de la Rome in Toulouse. The massive tide of people doesn’t feel quite as massive when you have double the space in which to dodge and weave. So here’s to more space in the streets and de-centralized marchés de Noël. Bring on the vin chaud.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Murphy's Law and Moving Day.

Le 23 novembre 2004.

Hello to all those out in Blogland. And to those people who this morning woke up and thought “I wonder what happened to Kate today,” this is the story for you.

We’ll actually begin back on last Thursday, a Murphy’s Law day if ever there was one. The day started fine, all until breakfast; I realized that I had a few minutes left, just enough to clean up my dishes and make it to the bus stop. Only seconds after I glanced at the time, I overturned my milk bowl all over myself. By the time I’d cleaned up the mess, ran to my room to change my clothes, and ran to the bus stop, the bus was pulling away and I was still 30 meters away. Ten minutes later, I was on the next bus filled with high school students on their way to class. After the bus emptied of the students, I had only two more stops left, but as I stood at the door for my stop, the bus kept going. When I’d pushed the button for my stop, it didn’t register as a request for a stop. At the next stop after mine, I got off the bus and was walking back as Céline called me to ask where I was. What a morning! The afternoon wasn’t much better, as the kids were rowdier than usual. The thought crossed my mind that it was a full moon, as I learned that night most of the other assistants had had rough days as well.

Connections while abroad are really these amazing things. You become friendly with people simply on the basis of shared experiences or acquaintance. This weekend a friend of Kristen’s came to visit a friend of her’s in Metz. With her came two of her own friends, thus in two days I met three new people (yes, all Americans) who were a pleasure to meet. The commonalities between assistants are quite astounding to me, especially given the differences between each of us.

Monday was an eerie day. One of my students told me today that she was tired because she had moved over the weekend (this of course involved a lesson in learning “I moved” in English.) My plans for the afternoon when I returned home involved relaxing a bit and then running some errands. Instead, I found myself being told a studio had opened up and I could take it if I wanted it. It’s tiny and quaint, but quite exciting to have. In many aspects it’s similar to the room I had in Pfeiffer last semester, except I only have a shower, not a shower/tub, and I have two burners in my kitchen. The size is also much smaller than my Pfeiffer room. But beggars can’t be choosers, and my status is nearly that of a beggar. Even with the turquoise green décor, it’s quite nice to have this little “apartment.”

PS. It snowed on Friday! For about three minutes we had this really weird snow-hail combination. It all came after a sunny morning when big clouds blew in, all in about a half hour. Then about an hour later, it had all melted away. That’s the story of snow in Metz on Friday.


Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Appreciation and depreciation.

I've just stumbled onto Amelia's fabulous little french blog. Last night, as the usual horde of us assistants took over the open time in the computer lab at the foyer, it tumbled into my lap. Well, not literally. As I read the entry pertaining to me and my fellows in Metz, I could not keep the laughter in! Her wonderfully accurate description of Bobby and his classroom antics had me causing a scene in the lab. True to form, the rest of the assistants couldn't help but wonder what had me in hysterics, and all had to see her blog; in turn they were all rolling on the floor with me! The other thought provoking situation from her blog included the reference to the size of Victoria's apartment... if only she'd gotten the chance to see Dyna and Mina's apartment. All of our little group have made the comments at one moment or another about how we have come to appreciate space and rather the unnecessity of space. Victoria's apartment is tiny, yet we would all totally love to have it and find that it's really a perfect size- even when there are about eleven of us cramped in her bedroom/living room/dining room/study eating fondue or quesadillas or whatever crazy thing we've decided to cook for the entirety of the group. In addition, I've been reading a bit of Ryan's journal and his experience after being with a Bedouin family in the southern desert of Jordan (can I interrupt with how completely jealous I am of his time with SIT at the moment!) and how he too is coming to many of the same, in not more dramatic, conclusions we are all reaching. It lets me recapture so many of the moments of last year, as truly the first experience abroad is the most drastic; all the things I felt last year so fully, the things Ryan, Amelia, and Liz are all feeling this year, make me remember and appreciate again. Even if I'm just appreciating a depreciation of space.

Accomplishments of the day: several photocopies made of important and necessary documents for social security and loan documents without paying for them; didn't wash my hair this morning -(on my way to glory!); am getting over amazement at early displays of Christmas decorations (they started going up about mid-october, will have to discuss later).

Saturday, November 13, 2004


End of the walking tour, sauf the uphill (read: cliffside) climb out of the Vallée de la Pétrusse. This bridge is amazing! Posted by Hello

Touring Old Luxembourg. All of about three little blocks. Posted by Hello

Amelia spits into the well to check the depth at the Bock Casements. Posted by Hello

Arrivée in Luxembourg. Beautiful inspite the weather! Posted by Hello