one palm
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
so i did the math tonight and figured out that -- if, if i keep going at the present rate -- my undergraduate student loans will be paid off in seven years. just in time to have been paying off grad loans for at least twelve months! hooray? At least nine total years is better than the originally planned for fifteen years. Hopefully that means i'll get my grad loans paid off early too -- though better yet would be to get a firm to do a tuition reimbursement thing! hooray indentured servitude!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
it is my birthday.
i know my parents felt that it was better all around for me as a child if my birthday was early in the school year. My dad had been one of the youngest children in his class and had always felt like he was scrambling to keep up with the other kids in his year. As a result, he wanted my brother and I to be among the oldest kids in our classes.
I have never once wished for anything but a fall birthday -- and while in November, it has usually been a half way decent day out, including my actual birth date when it was 70 degree, blue skies and quite windy. I adore the colors during this month, the wind and nature in general.
but what i have wished for, is more understanding from people. those who know me, know i have a deep need for privacy. so much in my life needs to be logically reasoned out, but can be privately determined. and the most important things in my life are private -- including birthdays. While I can enjoy celebrating with others, I have always detested the attention that is thrown onto you simply because someone birthed you on this particular day, however many years ago. I didn't even do anything other than breathe vaporous air for the first time, scream my head off and eat through my mouth. Hooray? If someone is being celebrated, I think logically it should be my poor mama.
However, I know my one soapbox high rant will not change society and I admit, a birthday has the potential to be fun. But my awkward nature lends itself to even more awkward birthday parties -- so I don't have them unless I decide to handle the details myself and I stress overly if I feel like someone else is planning something for my birthday -- I'd much rather just enjoy the day for being another day on this planet than setting out to make it 'special'. Because, aren't they all special days? Why should this one be forced to be more special? That's just too much stress for one little day. So please if you see me today or next year -- just tell me happy birthday like you would hi or hello or what a beautiful day, for that will make me happiest. Not making a fuss is the best birthday present you can ever give me. (Outside of the lovely card the gay bf gave me that has purple sparkle-ly dorothy shoes on the front and says "make this your motto -- I get to because it's my birthday")
I get to be awkward and shy and contrary today, because it's my birthday. :)
off the birthday soapbox rant now -- so, are skunks good luck? I just saw resident neighborhood skunk tonight and damn if they don't grow'em big out here in Boston!
i know my parents felt that it was better all around for me as a child if my birthday was early in the school year. My dad had been one of the youngest children in his class and had always felt like he was scrambling to keep up with the other kids in his year. As a result, he wanted my brother and I to be among the oldest kids in our classes.
I have never once wished for anything but a fall birthday -- and while in November, it has usually been a half way decent day out, including my actual birth date when it was 70 degree, blue skies and quite windy. I adore the colors during this month, the wind and nature in general.
but what i have wished for, is more understanding from people. those who know me, know i have a deep need for privacy. so much in my life needs to be logically reasoned out, but can be privately determined. and the most important things in my life are private -- including birthdays. While I can enjoy celebrating with others, I have always detested the attention that is thrown onto you simply because someone birthed you on this particular day, however many years ago. I didn't even do anything other than breathe vaporous air for the first time, scream my head off and eat through my mouth. Hooray? If someone is being celebrated, I think logically it should be my poor mama.
However, I know my one soapbox high rant will not change society and I admit, a birthday has the potential to be fun. But my awkward nature lends itself to even more awkward birthday parties -- so I don't have them unless I decide to handle the details myself and I stress overly if I feel like someone else is planning something for my birthday -- I'd much rather just enjoy the day for being another day on this planet than setting out to make it 'special'. Because, aren't they all special days? Why should this one be forced to be more special? That's just too much stress for one little day. So please if you see me today or next year -- just tell me happy birthday like you would hi or hello or what a beautiful day, for that will make me happiest. Not making a fuss is the best birthday present you can ever give me. (Outside of the lovely card the gay bf gave me that has purple sparkle-ly dorothy shoes on the front and says "make this your motto -- I get to because it's my birthday")
I get to be awkward and shy and contrary today, because it's my birthday. :)
off the birthday soapbox rant now -- so, are skunks good luck? I just saw resident neighborhood skunk tonight and damn if they don't grow'em big out here in Boston!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
it's one of those nights, when I can't distract myself to sleep -- or don't want to, I've never really analysed it yet -- so now you have to endure my uninhibited need to share, in the depths of the early morning
accompanying all the letters i would write, the ones that float into and out of my head when I can't sleep, was the the tangent thought on my wallet
-- i bought it in Metz and still use it, something to do with the one centieme piece that's been a permanent companion since Toulouse, but it struck me bizarre this night how though i inaugurated my wallet with colorful euro bills and the convenience weight of one and two euro pieces, it's as if a dream now -- the bland uniformity of american dollars mocking the vibrant tomato red of my childish wallet -- was it really over a year since i handed over a blue twenty to pay for groceries
blame the vastness of night, the type which Anne Morrow Lindbergh best describes its effects -- i'll regret your reading this tomorrow, but not enough to actually take this post down: tough luck for you
accompanying all the letters i would write, the ones that float into and out of my head when I can't sleep, was the the tangent thought on my wallet
-- i bought it in Metz and still use it, something to do with the one centieme piece that's been a permanent companion since Toulouse, but it struck me bizarre this night how though i inaugurated my wallet with colorful euro bills and the convenience weight of one and two euro pieces, it's as if a dream now -- the bland uniformity of american dollars mocking the vibrant tomato red of my childish wallet -- was it really over a year since i handed over a blue twenty to pay for groceries
blame the vastness of night, the type which Anne Morrow Lindbergh best describes its effects -- i'll regret your reading this tomorrow, but not enough to actually take this post down: tough luck for you
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
ode to fb.
who keeps me company on the phone while I'm being unfairly imprisoned in my room and terrorized by a dying wild squirrel right outside the door of said room...
You're the best.
You're the best.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
obviously the caffiene is getting to me ... again
1) "cold coffee" is super funny at the moment
2) i think i might have learned how to drink american coffee
3) if you can explain why some of my favorite music is music I can't dance to, then you are a genius -- but not if you just tell me it's because I can't dance, then you're just a meanie
2) i think i might have learned how to drink american coffee
3) if you can explain why some of my favorite music is music I can't dance to, then you are a genius -- but not if you just tell me it's because I can't dance, then you're just a meanie
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Vindication!
Ha!
Well, ha! ...anyways. So I did just move away from my beloved state, but I'm still pleased as punch that it made the top ten Kiplinger's list of the top 50 cities to live, with Iowa City.
And for my brother, Kansas City also made the top ten.
For Kim -- Holland, Michagan rounds out the top 50.
(so I also thought maybe I should post something!)
Well, ha! ...anyways. So I did just move away from my beloved state, but I'm still pleased as punch that it made the top ten Kiplinger's list of the top 50 cities to live, with Iowa City.
And for my brother, Kansas City also made the top ten.
For Kim -- Holland, Michagan rounds out the top 50.
(so I also thought maybe I should post something!)
Monday, March 13, 2006
It's rainy out tonight. There's even thunder and a wee bit of lightning. Mostly just rain, though. And I don't know if it's because of second month syndrome and everything, especially now, makes me think of France-- or if it's just that the rain always makes me think of Toulouse, but think of it I do.
Mostly I think of the onset of winter in that southern climate- where cold was 40 degrees F with wind and especially rain- all for either three, six or nine days. That unchanging of multiples of three- that cycle that became a rhythm, even for this midwestern kid.
Mostly, writing to this listening to the rain on my multiple windows, I think of those blustery nights with the rain sounding on my third floor bedroom skylight. I was unconventional within that French household and left the shade open on mine. I loved the starlight and moonshine pouring in on clear nights; the staccato rhythms of rain on it as winter creeped in alongside the ending of my journey.
The rain never fails to remind me of that skylight; to draw up that desire to have one again someday, so I can always sleep under the stars and remember how those three months brought back to me the joy of living, after that hellish deviation we call college.
Mostly I think of the onset of winter in that southern climate- where cold was 40 degrees F with wind and especially rain- all for either three, six or nine days. That unchanging of multiples of three- that cycle that became a rhythm, even for this midwestern kid.
Mostly, writing to this listening to the rain on my multiple windows, I think of those blustery nights with the rain sounding on my third floor bedroom skylight. I was unconventional within that French household and left the shade open on mine. I loved the starlight and moonshine pouring in on clear nights; the staccato rhythms of rain on it as winter creeped in alongside the ending of my journey.
The rain never fails to remind me of that skylight; to draw up that desire to have one again someday, so I can always sleep under the stars and remember how those three months brought back to me the joy of living, after that hellish deviation we call college.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Ok, so this will sound silly to most people, but I've discovered that I really like that cd player/radio combination desktop stereo that the average person has at work. Nothing impressive, but I just got my first one (from friends who are getting rid of things as they prepare to move) and I love it! I've never owned one- didn't ever buy or get one for some reason or another, and mostly because I've moved around so much that it was just one more thing to move. But it totally beats my alarm clock radio- mostly the speaker bit. I'm quite happy with it.
Friday, February 17, 2006
I have a bed! They delivered it and set it up this morning!
Seriously, everyone goes on and on about pillowtops- but I always feel like I'm continuously and slowly falling, or that I'm going to roll over and suffocate myself. Besides the thrifty aspect of a more basic mattress, I think it just feels better to sleep on.
Now I can pretend to feel like an adult... even more so because now I have to go do laundry. The one time I will do laundry during a weekday for a long time to come.
Seriously, everyone goes on and on about pillowtops- but I always feel like I'm continuously and slowly falling, or that I'm going to roll over and suffocate myself. Besides the thrifty aspect of a more basic mattress, I think it just feels better to sleep on.
Now I can pretend to feel like an adult... even more so because now I have to go do laundry. The one time I will do laundry during a weekday for a long time to come.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The best Valentine's Day ever!
I had completely forgotten it was V-Day until about the third time it came up in a conversation with Nathan while we were out mattress shopping today. It finally clicked when we were talking about Leanne, and I was the idiot who finally asked if it was ok with her for us to be out mattress shopping on this of all days!
It was later in the evening, as Kevin and I were finishing up dinner that I realised that his mention of the V-Day Prom Karaoke at the Milky Way was in reference to Valentine's Day rather than Victory Day (which is still a few months -both of them- away). It's a side effect of having moved across the country and then not having to work for the last week-ish, that I can remember the day but not the date!
So we dressed up a little, went down the street to meet the others, and then headed out for Jamaica Plains for quite the interesting night! This group really gets into their karaoke! I'll be seriously inspired once I get over my shyness. We danced, we sang, we were part of the small minority dressed up, and we made fun of the one truly obnoxiously bad guy, and we raved over the great twentieth century invention of karaoke and it's accessibility to all walks of life! I wish I would quite forgetting my camera!
Quite honestly, the best Valentine's Day ever!
I had completely forgotten it was V-Day until about the third time it came up in a conversation with Nathan while we were out mattress shopping today. It finally clicked when we were talking about Leanne, and I was the idiot who finally asked if it was ok with her for us to be out mattress shopping on this of all days!
It was later in the evening, as Kevin and I were finishing up dinner that I realised that his mention of the V-Day Prom Karaoke at the Milky Way was in reference to Valentine's Day rather than Victory Day (which is still a few months -both of them- away). It's a side effect of having moved across the country and then not having to work for the last week-ish, that I can remember the day but not the date!
So we dressed up a little, went down the street to meet the others, and then headed out for Jamaica Plains for quite the interesting night! This group really gets into their karaoke! I'll be seriously inspired once I get over my shyness. We danced, we sang, we were part of the small minority dressed up, and we made fun of the one truly obnoxiously bad guy, and we raved over the great twentieth century invention of karaoke and it's accessibility to all walks of life! I wish I would quite forgetting my camera!
Quite honestly, the best Valentine's Day ever!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Sarah asked me to post about the move, but there really isn't much yet to post.
After my usual bout with moving anxiety, I settled a bit more into my new home. The anxiety slowly subsided, so my internal dialogue wasn't set on the heart-stopping, nerve-wracking repetition of 'What was I thinking? Am I going to make it here?'
The day after my late evening move in, Kevin gave me a ride out to a possible work site for an informal meeting. Turns out it's quite a nice place, and I think I would enjoy working there, even with the commute. Though I think the commute will be a great excuse for reading time.
Friday night was quite a bit of fun. I went to a Chinese New Year celebration with Justin, and then went to the Kevin's show "In The Garage", which was hilarious. We went out to dinner with his parents afterwards, followed by a cast party of sorts.
Saturday was low-key again, though went with Kevin to the Courtside for karaoke with his friends. How I wish I'd had my camera! Even though the music was mostly rock, it brought back such happy memories of Country Karaoke Night at the Longbranch on Thursday nights! And I seriously felt like I was back in one of the small-town bars I ate burgers in all summer long- like a touch of Iowa out here! Afterwards we all ended up at home, waiting for the snow to start and watching Stewie Griffin.
It's mostly been the little details that make me realise that I've moved: the different languages I hear on the streets (I've heard French!), the new metro system to become acquainted with, the smells in the air at 5 o'clock (not fried chicken, which hung over Creston), and being on my own again.
Today has been even more low-key. Mostly experiencing my first nor'easter from the warm comfort of my room.
After my usual bout with moving anxiety, I settled a bit more into my new home. The anxiety slowly subsided, so my internal dialogue wasn't set on the heart-stopping, nerve-wracking repetition of 'What was I thinking? Am I going to make it here?'
The day after my late evening move in, Kevin gave me a ride out to a possible work site for an informal meeting. Turns out it's quite a nice place, and I think I would enjoy working there, even with the commute. Though I think the commute will be a great excuse for reading time.
Friday night was quite a bit of fun. I went to a Chinese New Year celebration with Justin, and then went to the Kevin's show "In The Garage", which was hilarious. We went out to dinner with his parents afterwards, followed by a cast party of sorts.
Saturday was low-key again, though went with Kevin to the Courtside for karaoke with his friends. How I wish I'd had my camera! Even though the music was mostly rock, it brought back such happy memories of Country Karaoke Night at the Longbranch on Thursday nights! And I seriously felt like I was back in one of the small-town bars I ate burgers in all summer long- like a touch of Iowa out here! Afterwards we all ended up at home, waiting for the snow to start and watching Stewie Griffin.
It's mostly been the little details that make me realise that I've moved: the different languages I hear on the streets (I've heard French!), the new metro system to become acquainted with, the smells in the air at 5 o'clock (not fried chicken, which hung over Creston), and being on my own again.
Today has been even more low-key. Mostly experiencing my first nor'easter from the warm comfort of my room.
After a year of searching for the name of my blog, I vowed to stop changing the title. But I was sorely tempted last night after reading some more Wright. "If one cannot live an independent life of one's own, one may at least become a modest parasite and, instead of honest arrogance practice hypocritical humility."
I am enjoying this book so much more than I thought I would!
I am enjoying this book so much more than I thought I would!
Despite all the other moments, I think this might be my truest "I am here" moments. 
I haven't yet decided if I'm going to be like the crazy Arizona tourists and go for a little walk or stick to my sensible midwestern roots and wait it out inside.I suppose it's quite a good day when that's to be my major decision. Until then, I might go have a bowl of oatmeal.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
as if my two homes are merging...
did I just not notice this before? I have just started seeing things using SMS to mean text (on a cell phone) here in the States.
It makes me si contente, as the English assistants last year all used sms was both noun and verb, in place of text/ing.
It makes me si contente, as the English assistants last year all used sms was both noun and verb, in place of text/ing.
So, tonight, I'm sitting here going through MORE backlog paperwork. I've found it after I thought I had already filed everything... my room is a pit. And as I am going through all these papers, I come across some of the reports of my Cornell bills, in particular, the bills from my last year there. The space is entirely filled by additional Stafford Loans (uh-hmmm.. unsubsidized), Off-campus Residence/Dining designations, and Adjustments to my scholarship, tuition, etc. And I have to say, it made me smile. All that adjusting and extra work- so I could go abroad. And I don't regret it- it was the best experience of my undergraduate career. To be all cliché, it changed my life. I almost want to frame the damn thing, as a reminder of what taking risks and doing all the paperwork can mean. Seriously, if I hadn't ran all over campus to get every imaginable and necessary signature, pushed to get the financial aid, visit Mike in the Business Office about once a week, and generally demand the right to study abroad (as long as I was paying out of pocket for it), I wouldn't be able to tell you the crazy return trip from Barcelona story! So here's to sleeping on the floor of the Narbonne train station for two and a half hours at 1am- just to make it home to Toulouse in time to take a mid-term! And all because we got on the wrong train in the first place!
Maybe this is all just from too much dust...
Maybe this is all just from too much dust...
Friday, January 27, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
January is quickly coming to a close and I'm quite bummed about the lack of lychee in my diet. It's a newly foreign idea to me; January without lychee, how does that happen?
I had a conversation tonight with someone who told me they had seven televisions in their house- there are only four or five people in the house. It amazes me that one house can have more tv's than people. Coming from a household that only ever had one, and only in color for the last 13 years, it astounds me. And for all the time we don't have the television on, it makes the most sense to have only one. It's really a personal choice, but what's the use of seven tv's? What purpose does having the tv's in various rooms accomplish, other than a constant distraction? It confuses me greatly; especially knowing as I do, that'll probably be another five or six years before I contemplate buying my own- if even that soon. Perhaps it would be sooner, if I were ever to live in my own space- but I think it would mostly be for watching videos or the news- until then, my computer is fine enough for watching movies when I have the time. I guess in other words, don't be adding a television to my wish/Christmas list- just stick with the Wigwam socks.
I had a conversation tonight with someone who told me they had seven televisions in their house- there are only four or five people in the house. It amazes me that one house can have more tv's than people. Coming from a household that only ever had one, and only in color for the last 13 years, it astounds me. And for all the time we don't have the television on, it makes the most sense to have only one. It's really a personal choice, but what's the use of seven tv's? What purpose does having the tv's in various rooms accomplish, other than a constant distraction? It confuses me greatly; especially knowing as I do, that'll probably be another five or six years before I contemplate buying my own- if even that soon. Perhaps it would be sooner, if I were ever to live in my own space- but I think it would mostly be for watching videos or the news- until then, my computer is fine enough for watching movies when I have the time. I guess in other words, don't be adding a television to my wish/Christmas list- just stick with the Wigwam socks.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
what happens when you google yourself!
I recently had a necessity to google myself. And oh, what do I find?! SIT used one of the photos I sent in for the Alumni Photo Contest (I didn't win by the way- no return larks to France for me in the near future) on their web page about the France program, SIT Study Abroad - France: Culture and Society!
In case you're curious, it's from the ramparts tour on the Old City walls of Carcasonne. A couple of us took a fabulous little weekend daytrip there- with the result of many great stories! It's totally a tourist trap, but so thoroughly well done, you don't even notice it! And it's completely worth it, simply for the atmosphere, or the military butts, if you're lucky enough to be there on one of the days the local military bases lets the boys out as part of return to civilian life after their version of Basic!
(Patience, if you ever check in here- just remember, you're shitless! gros gros bisous!)
In case you're curious, it's from the ramparts tour on the Old City walls of Carcasonne. A couple of us took a fabulous little weekend daytrip there- with the result of many great stories! It's totally a tourist trap, but so thoroughly well done, you don't even notice it! And it's completely worth it, simply for the atmosphere, or the military butts, if you're lucky enough to be there on one of the days the local military bases lets the boys out as part of return to civilian life after their version of Basic!
(Patience, if you ever check in here- just remember, you're shitless! gros gros bisous!)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
So after inquire within's comments on the cost of public transportation in London, I was curious to compare it to what I'd known in France.
It ends up he's paying quite a bit more than it would have cost for a month in Paris, unless you get the student discount, which is considerably helpful. The current rate in Paris is about $62 USD a month without the student discount, with it's : $36 USD. The weekly pass I purchased in April cost me about $18 USD.
In Metz, the monthly bus pass cost about $40 USD, I think; though with the student discout it was $30 USD. I never had to buy the monthly pass as I didn't bus around Metz all that much.
The best I've ever seen was Toulouse, where the montly pass for the student was $25. Though Toulouse (600,000) is rather isolated, and you tend to go there only to study, live, or work, and it's really just a massive uni town. But still, a simply great city to live in!
That's it- I was really just advertising the greatness of Toulouse.
It ends up he's paying quite a bit more than it would have cost for a month in Paris, unless you get the student discount, which is considerably helpful. The current rate in Paris is about $62 USD a month without the student discount, with it's : $36 USD. The weekly pass I purchased in April cost me about $18 USD.
In Metz, the monthly bus pass cost about $40 USD, I think; though with the student discout it was $30 USD. I never had to buy the monthly pass as I didn't bus around Metz all that much.
The best I've ever seen was Toulouse, where the montly pass for the student was $25. Though Toulouse (600,000) is rather isolated, and you tend to go there only to study, live, or work, and it's really just a massive uni town. But still, a simply great city to live in!
That's it- I was really just advertising the greatness of Toulouse.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Louise phoned today! She is home for a bit, which is exciting as she hadn't thought she would be. Her parents wanted to see her so they bought her plane ticket home for the holidays. I was just delighted to talk with her for a bit. She leaves Tuesday, as does Kristen and that makes me sad.
I know that I will miss my phone calls with Kristen now that she's going to be far away again. I could say we'll still chat from time to time, but honestly, after I came back during holiday 2003 and she was there still for the spring, we never phoned! It's just rather expensive. But I also know that my jealousy will probably over-balance missing her, so I doubt I'll be terribly sad!
I wish I could see Louise's apartment this year, as she's in a truly ideal location and I'm sure it's adorable. How I miss all the little hassles she's currently going through- as ridiculous as it is for me to say that!
So all in all, even though I had to be back in town to work at noon today (even though I'd rather have continued sleeping), the day's turned out decently well. My headache didn't last for too long, everyone on the Interstate and CR was driving nicely, work ended early (annoying) but I got a crazy big bag that was a Wedding Crashers promo (which makes up for not getting all my hours!), and Louise called.
Well I'm off to watch holiday kids' movies with mum and be productive on the whole grad school app front (this is the last one--- I hope I hope I hope!).
Bonne Année!!!
I know that I will miss my phone calls with Kristen now that she's going to be far away again. I could say we'll still chat from time to time, but honestly, after I came back during holiday 2003 and she was there still for the spring, we never phoned! It's just rather expensive. But I also know that my jealousy will probably over-balance missing her, so I doubt I'll be terribly sad!
I wish I could see Louise's apartment this year, as she's in a truly ideal location and I'm sure it's adorable. How I miss all the little hassles she's currently going through- as ridiculous as it is for me to say that!
So all in all, even though I had to be back in town to work at noon today (even though I'd rather have continued sleeping), the day's turned out decently well. My headache didn't last for too long, everyone on the Interstate and CR was driving nicely, work ended early (annoying) but I got a crazy big bag that was a Wedding Crashers promo (which makes up for not getting all my hours!), and Louise called.
Well I'm off to watch holiday kids' movies with mum and be productive on the whole grad school app front (this is the last one--- I hope I hope I hope!).
Bonne Année!!!
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